Conversations with My Son

The Scene

Yesterday, Christmas 2010, half an hour before the big feast is set to begin at Lilianna and Rick's place. A bunch of us are in the kitchen, including my husband and my 14-year-old son. My boyfriend has just arrived.

The Conversation

Lilianna: Hey Travis – I should introduce you to my family, right? Let me just check this cheddar sauce first. Viny, come taste this!

Me: Mmm.

Lilianna: So, how do you want me to handle this? “This is Viny's friend...”?

Me: Yeah, sure.

Denali (snickering): Close friend. Very close friend.

[Lilianna can be heard in the other room, introducing Travis to her father: “...And this is Viny's good friend....”]

Denali: Yep, that's what I say whenever my friends want to know who Travis is. “Oh, that's Travis. My mom's...friend.”

Me: Same tone of voice, too, I'll bet.

Denali: Except for the ones who know you're polyamorous, like George.

Me: Oh?

Denali: Yeah, he's all like, “It would be so cool to have an open relationship, like your parents – they can have sex with anyone they want!” And I'm like, “It's not THAT open.” But you have to remember that George is a little...well...

Me: Perv?

Denali: Yeah. Exactly.

**

The Scene

A few weeks ago. Denali and I are walking downtown. He's pointing out landmarks that have personal significance to him.

The Conversation

Denali: ...And right over there is where Montana cheated on me with her ex-boyfriend. But she couldn't avoid it.

Me: What do you mean?

Denali: She was trying to get her friend Shelli to kiss him, but Shelli wouldn't, she was all, “I'm not doing it until you do it first,” so what was Montana supposed to do?

Me: That is the lamest excuse I have ever heard.

Denali: Yeah. But it wasn't a big deal.

Me: Sure – I mean, you know my views. It's not like I'm going to go ballistic about someone “cheating” – it's about upholding your agreements with someone, whatever those are – but it's ridiculous for Montana to play it like she didn't have a choice. She obviously wasn't too upset about the prospect of kissing him, or she wouldn't have done it.

Denali: Yeah, I'm familiar with your views. And maybe that's partly why I didn't really care.

**

The Scene

Spring of 2006. Part I of the conversation takes place in a tent in the mountains – Parker is sitting by the campfire with our friends, and I'm on kid duty, which means I'm waiting for Denali (age 9) to fall asleep. Part II takes place a couple of days later, in the kitchen – I am doing dishes, and Denali is probably rummaging around in the fridge.

The Conversation

Me: So...did it seem weird for Lilianna to have a sleep-over with your dad the other night?

Denali: A little, yeah. [pause] Was it okay with you that she slept over?

Me: Sure.

Denali: Even though she and Parker slept in the same bed?

Me: Of course.

Denali: You knew they were going to sleep in the same bed?

Me: I figured they would, yeah.

Denali: And... that was okay with you?

Me: Yeah.

Denali: Even if they didn't have clothes on?

Me: What makes you think they didn't have clothes on?

Denali: It sounded like they were getting dressed. In the morning.

Me: Oh. Well, I told Parker beforehand that whatever he and Lilianna wanted to do during their sleepover was fine with me. Were you worried that I would be upset if I found out they were naked? Did you think maybe I didn't know that might happen?

Denali: I wasn't sure.

Me: Parker and I talked about everything, sweetie, and I'm fine. Are you still worried?

Denali: No, if you're fine, I'm fine. I was just checking.

Me: I was a little surprised to find out that you were feeling a little bit worried about Parker and Lilianna – remember, when we were camping? What we talked about? I mean, I used to have sleepovers all the time with Scott, and you never seemed to worry about it, or whether your dad was okay with it.

Denali: Wait...let me get this straight...Scott was your boyfriend?

Me: Yeah, what did you think he was?

Denali: I don't know. I didn't think about it. I was a little kid. He was just...Scott.

Me: All those years? The time he came to visit us in Denmark, and your dad was gone for a week on that architecture trip? Kissing each other goodbye, and not just on the cheek? You seriously didn't know?

Denali [shrugging]: I'm telling you – I didn't think anything of it.