Poly FAQ #6: Where Do You Find the Time???

My friend Rose and I had just gone to see the movie Monogamy. We were sitting in her car in the parking lot, processing the film and our own lives. She said it wasn't like she thought it would be. I said the take-home message was an interesting subversion of the monogamous fairytale: what does it say when a couple maintains marital passion by hiring a voyeur to watch as they commit “pretend” adultery with each other?

Rose would probably be the first to admit that she's not exactly the “Happily Ever After” posterchild. She and her husband went through an extended separation a few years back. Perhaps because her marriage has been such a challenge, she doesn't come off as judgmental about how others choose to conduct their relationships. Still, it's always seemed to me that she finds polyamory objectionable in some way.

Gene and I are in marriage counseling for...oh, like the ninth time. We've been learning how to have a fifteen-minute “How was your week?” conversation. God! Sometimes I think it would be nice to have someone on the side, someone I could just see once a week. Go out for a nice dinner, watch a movie, have sex, boom, I'm good, and the rest of the time I don't have to deal with him. But there's no way I could go your route. I mean, it takes so much work to manage ONE relationship, there's no way I'd ever sign up for two. There's my kids, the dog, work, trying to have some kind of social life, community stuff ....Where do you find the TIME?

I get asked this question a lot, and it usually seems like it's a cover-up for a different kind of objection, something the person feels less comfortable articulating.

But let's take a look at the question, anyway.

Q: Where do you find the time?

A: Time is everywhere for the taking. You just have to know where to look. The following is a list of places where I've really struck it rich – if you need to find some extra time, check these places out . They might be worth your while.

1. Sleep. Yeah, you need a certain number of hours, on average. But have you ever noticed that you're sleepier when you're bored and depressed, when you're hoping that if you just sleep long enough, you'll wake up in a different mood?
2. TV. I don't have one. The average American watches an average of, oh, I don't fuckin' know, a gazillion hours a day.
3. Video games, including stupid internet games. These suckers are addictive, and they can eat up whole afternoons. Although I don't play video games at all, I haven't always managed to steer clear of internet games. I had a Tetris problem for a while, followed by JS Lines, followed by Scramble and, finally, Pathwords. I'm happy to report that I have been clean for over a year now – and this blog is probably the result.
4. Porn. Never watch it, myself. Okay, not NEVER – there was that porn “tasting” five years ago, when my friends and I watched a few minutes (on VHS!) from every porn genre we could think of, from bizarro Annie Sprinkle to German Medical Fetish.
5. Current Events. I am abysmally ill-informed about everything from the Royal Wedding to the which public figures have recently apologized for hiring hookers. Unfortunately, it's also true that I count on my Facebook friends to inform me about more important goings-on, like the Japan Earthquake or what's wrong with the Republican budget. So, what's this about Donald Trump running in 2012? Who's Donald Trump?
6. Career. I've never had a full-time job. Parker has devoted more time to work than I have, but his last “official” job ended a year ago. We currently spend maybe 30 hours a week working – and that's between the two of us. Whether or not our desultory attitude about making money is going to pay off in the long run remains to be seen, but at least we're not in debt – yet.

Gotta run, now – it's time to get out of this bathrobe and on with my busy, busy day. Maybe I'll start it off by boning up on the latest celebrity gossip. Or maybe I'll finally figure out how to find porn on the internet. Every day is a new adventure!