My friend Georgia is one of the few people I know who can carry on simultaneous conversations with me and Sienna, my 3-year-old daughter. Georgia also feeds us. No wonder we both love hanging out with her.
Today, our dual-purpose, multi-focus discussion went something like this:
Georgia: So I was thinking about the stuff you've been writing about in your blog, and it seems to me that everyone, poly or not, has to deal with the same things: jealousy, fear of abandonment...
Viny: ...Not to mention time management, divided loyalties...
Sienna: Guys, my new nickname is Fifi.
Georgia: Come here, you little pippersnacker, you little boop-de-do!
Sienna: Can I play with your blocks?
Georgia: Sure...let me find them...not that I'm saying poly is for everyone -- I mean, I'm not sure I could handle it -- but I have to say that I admire your candor, the openness, everyone knowing what's up...so here they are: blocks! Are you going to pick them up when you're done? Viny, I just put half-and-half in your tea, is that okay?
Viny: Yeah, yeah, that's fine. Thanks! Do you have honey?
Georgia: But of course, darling. Und do you vant just a nibble of somesing tasty, a tiny treat from Deutschland? This marzipan, perhaps? See, it's like an opportunity for working on issues, an extreme version of what people go through anyway.
Sienna: Can I have some too? Can I? Can I?
Viny: Here you go.
Sienna: No! I want a BIG bit!
Georgia: Okay, Sienna-Vienna, but no squishing it -- it's for eating!
Viny: It's funny, but I was just thinking about this. It seems like we choose lives for ourselves that will force us to deal with our issues. Maybe, for me, it's comparison, competition, external validation -- an issue that's exacerbated by being poly, yes, but I like being forced to look at this stuff. It's good for me.
Georgia: Here's the thing, though. I'm not sure everyone actually deals with their issues. For some people, maybe poly is a way of growing, of expanding commitments; for others, it's probably a cop-out.
Viny: A way of avoiding, of not having to deal, of escaping. Is that what you mean?
Georgia: Yeah. I know this guy -- intelligent, interesting, really good-looking guy, openly poly -- who just can't commit. I've watched all kinds of women fall in love with him -- it's been years, I met him in 1993, consider him a friend, and he's a great guy, but he's a heartbreaker, he's immature. He warns everyone, "Look, I'm poly, I'm not committing...."
Sienna: Can you sing a song and I'll run around?
Georgia: Sure! (Starts singing a song in Italian)
Viny: So what do you think are this guy's issues, the issues he's avoiding by being poly?
Georgia: I'm good friends with the last woman he dated. You should talk to her. She's a riot, a total riot. They're just friends now, because she got tired of dealing with him not committing. It's not just about monogamy, it's about intimacy. I think he can't handle intimacy, and that's why he's poly. Hey, Sienna, just run around in the kitchen, that way you won't bump into anything. You bumper-noodle! Poppy-knickerbumpkin! Pumpkin-poodle!
Viny: Sienna, you crazy girl!
Sienna: Mama! Georgia! Who do you love? Say it at the same time!
Georgia and Viny: We love Sienna!
Sienna: Fight over me, fight over me!
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