A talent for intimate relationships: 7
I think that there is a sense in which I do well, and a sense in which I have some weaknesses; I give myself a rating over 5 because intimate relationships are very important to me, and because I am committed to improving in this area. I have also seen some improvements that give me faith in my capacity to get better.
High self esteem: 6
I have some serious questions about the meaning of the concept of self-esteem. I give myself a middle-of-the-road rating because I am engaged in a process of transcending my personality structure, and this means that I am consistently aware of the things that I do and do not like about myself. I think self-love isn't something we earn or that we discover; it's something we remember.
A good juggler: 2
I often feel as though my intimate relationships are like crystal balls that I am juggling. I have had a significant fear of dropping one or more of them. I've been criticized quite a bit for not juggling well, in spite of the fact that I try so hard to juggle well, leading me to think it must be the case that I need a lot of work in this area.
A love of intensity: 10, 1
I have a love-hate relationship with intensity.
Appreciation for diversity: 9
Once I got over expecting everyone else to be like me and making them wrong when they were not, I discovered that I am fascinated by the different ways in which people think, feel, and act, be it to protect themselves or to move toward their own transformation.
Interpersonal skills: 6
I'm strong in self-knowledge, and strong in piercing others' defenses, but maybe less skilled in negotiation. I am particularly good at penetrating to the core, but this can sometimes lead to conflict, because people can feel pushed to deal with an issue before they're ready. Sometimes I see what is motivating people before they do, but I also recognize ways in which this vision is driven & distorted by fear. It's a mixed bag. I haven't had a lot of personal experience dealing with larger group dynamics. So overall, there are some areas of strength and some areas of weakness (which seems to be becoming a theme).
Ability to be flexible, creative and spontaneous: 7?
It bothers me that these are thrown together as one category. Maybe the concept that unites the three is a kind of mutability. I'm certainly capable of creativity and spontaneity, sometimes extraordinarily so. However, I tend to be most capable of flexibility when I feel safe; when I feel threatened, I can be rigid. What it all comes down to is this: Am I having to break through some difficult fear of my own because of what is coming up? If not, I'll probably be pretty great. If I am dealing with my own fears, however, I may have a harder time. The one thing I can promise is that I will tell the truth about what might be coming up for me.
A sex positive attitude: 10 (with caveat)
I've cultivated a sex-positive attitude. I'm also a rape survivor. My attitude is dependent on one crucial thing: do I feel like I am being apprehended as a whole person? If so, I see sex as no less than spiritual communion. However, I don't want to feel used in any way. I don't even like it when someone goes on & on about my personal appearance. Any initial flattered feeling is quickly replaced by, “Oh god, that's all you see.” This is a hard one for me.
An independent streak: 8
I'm certainly fiercely autonomous, and I like supporting autonomy and independence in others. I'm also fascinated by the collaborative sharing of consciousness, which some might view as dependence. I see it as interdependence and an opportunity to break free of our psychic survival structures.
A team spirit: 8
There are ways in which my default way of jumping in as a leader may not feel good to everyone, but I love being part of a team. I am not competitive, and I like to encourage leadership in others – but then again, Viny has made me aware that sometimes I have a way of derailing others by passionately jumping in and defining what's important before others have had a chance to define it for themselves.
A commitment to personal and spiritual growth: 10
This is absolute for me.
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