Viny's Dating Advice

Option 1: Don't listen to me, because my own dating experience is next to nada. 

Spokesperson for Option 1: My ex-boyfriend Scott.  He called me the other day, and our conversation meandered around to the topic of dating.  He said he was just about ready to take another stab at the meet market, and, to that end, was considering posting a profile on an internet dating site.  "Hey," I said, "If you want to send me a draft of your profile, I'd be happy to tell you whether or not I think it's compelling."  He laughed: "Honey, you are the last person I would consult about this."

Option 2: Take what I have to say very seriously, because I am an expert on this topic: I may have spent very little time dating, true, but I have spent a lot of time in relationships -- which are, after all, the whole POINT of dating.

Spokesperson for Option 2: My friend Georgia.  Right after I got off the phone with Scott, Georgia pounced on me (I was actually on Georgia's porch when Scott and I said our goodbyes, as I'd been following my daughter Sienna, and her walks around the neighborhood always seem to end at Georgia's door) to say that she'd thought of the PERFECT job for me: an "Ask Viny" column, radio show, podcast etc. -- some venue that would allow me to dispense my dating/relationship advice to my adoring public.

OK, now that we have gotten that bit of "choose your cheese" out of the way, here's today's Dating Tip (drumroll, please...):

It seems to me that there are two common mistakes that you can make when you decide to "get serious" about dating:

1) Make a laundry list of all the things you want a potential date to do for you, and another long list of all the things you can't/won't provide in a new relationship.  Whether or not you actually share these lists with your pool of prospects, people are going pick up on the fact that you're all "gimme, gimme, gimme," and they are NOT going to come flocking to your boudoir.

INSTEAD, why not think about what you have to give to a new relationship?  What might someone learn from you?

2) Decide that you are not going to make the same mistakes you made in your last failed relationship -- and therefore, that you are looking for a VERY SPECIFIC sort of person, someone who will make it IMPOSSIBLE for you to screw things up the same way you did last time.  You may be hoping to find someone who looks exactly like your evil Ex, but without any of her evil personality traits; or perhaps you want a sexier version of the good friend you lost when your romantic feelings for him faded; or perhaps you want the exact opposite of your previous main squeeze, who was obviously completely wrong for you in every way.  Whether or not you actually subject your dates to the "How do you compare to my Ex?" test, everyone will fail to meet your stringent selection criteria, and you'll be left with the impression that there's just no one worthwhile out there.

INSTEAD, why not be open to getting to know a few of the interesting people who inhabit this crazy world -- regardless of how much they do, or do not, remind you of other people you've dated?  What new things might you learn from interacting with someone you haven't already type-cast?